Does it Emasculate Men? Degrade Women? Destroy Marriages? That and So Much More.

Watch Before Reading

I saw this video back in January and it put the thoughts that I have had towards this industry for years into better words than I could have ever strung together. Pornography is something that I have been very passionately against since the very first day that I could make sense of what it really is. With that being said, I hope that you all, men and women, young and old, will watch this video with an open mind. LISTEN to what this man is telling us because it is the truth. The average age of people being exposed to porn is 8 years old? Are you kidding me? This statistic makes my stomach turn. Imagine an 8 year old child in your mind right now. Now imagine them being exposed to porn. It is disgusting, it's not right, and it's an image that leaves me feeling physically ill and absolutely disgusted with humanity and how low we have allowed ourselves to fall. 8 year old children should be playing with Barbie dolls and action figures, watching Disney movies and building forts outside...not being exposed to sexual acts. Whether you're religious or not (personally, I am not), there is still a huge message here that we can either accept as the truth or we can ignore and continue consuming and spreading this poison. Whether you want to accept it or not, things as "small" as watching porn or going to a strip club all grow from the same tree and stem from the same roots (as the example given in this video) as sex trafficking. It is all a disease that takes advantage of the weakness of human beings.

One thing that gets me, is that people pass off pornography as being normal, natural, and healthy. Yes, nudity is natural. Yes, sex is natural and healthy. However, you cannot pass something like watching pornography off as "natural" simply because it makes you feel like it's a justifiable thing to do. It is not natural for two (or more) members of a species to be filmed having sexual relations so other members of the species can masturbate while watching it or to use it as some other form of pleasure. I'm sorry if that's blunt, but natural is simply not a word you can use to describe pornography. And sadly for the people who use "normal" to describe this situation, the definition of normal is "conforming to a standard; usual; typical; or expected".  Just because something is "typical" does that mean that it's a good thing, or the right thing.  Normal doesn't mean that something is good or positive for society, it simply means that it has become standard, that people have made a certain behavior the norm. Why strive to be a part of this norm? Why not strive to be something different? Something healthier? Something higher?

However, as the man talked about in the video above, this video is not meant to BLAME men. That's not what he's setting out to do. What he wants to do is show us that everyone is a victim to this industry. Those who create it, those who produce it, those who consume it and watch it, everyone. He wants to show that in order to stop this, we need to help the people who have fallen victim to this industry. Without demand there will be no supply. In order to put an end to sexual exploitation there needs to not be a constant demand for it. A lot of men (and women) continue to watch porn because there are so many influences out there that make them feel like it's harmless. All the jokes that people make about it, all the movies that are basically making pornography mainstream, the friends who urge each other to "watch this video I found" or "check out this strip club". It all makes people forget about those who are being hurt and forget that society as a whole is suffering from these seemingly small acts. And what's worse? Men are afraid to take a stand against it and speak out against the industry for fear of being viewed as "weird" by other men. With stupid memes circulating saying "90% of men watch porn and 10% are lying" or "If you don't watch porn you're gay" (which is the most ignorant thing I've ever heard for so many reasons, but that's for another day) I can see how it would make men nervous to even think about taking a stance against it, let alone actually going through with it. Men are thought of to be the problem, we need to help them and encourage them to be part of the solution.

This brings me to one of the bravest acts I've ever witnessed. A friend of mine saw this video circulating back in January, and he then decided to open up about a part of his life that he had kept secret up until that point. He didn't only open up to his friends, coworkers, or family....he opened up to the entire world on his blog. He did this in hopes that his story will help others who can relate. Not a lot of men open up about this topic, especially not men who have come out on the other side of this addiction. His triumph over addiction is incredibly beautiful and inspiring. If you guys have time, only if you really have TIME, to absorb his words, not just skim...please give this a read. It's a side of the story that many of us have never heard before. I'd like to thank this particular friend so much for taking a leap and reaching out and sharing his story with what could potentially be millions of people who are going through exactly what he went through. I urge all of you to click here to read Matt's story. Hear how detrimental this industry is from a man. A man who was once addicted to it. 

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By Sharing Your Romance....You Are Killing It

I'm all about social media. It's fun to share ideas and to have discussions, it makes keeping in touch with friends and family a little bit easier, it's interesting to see the things that others share, etc. But there are some things that shouldn't be shared on facebook, twitter, and other social media websites. In my opinion, every detail of people's romantic relationships shouldn't be gushed about online. Rather, they should be kept private and sacred.

With yesterday having been Valentine's Day, we've all seen tons of Valentine's Day related posts for a few days or so, and now today we're all seeing the aftermath. Observing all of this, I've realized that social media really is killing romance. Personally, I think it's fine to post a quick little picture of the two of you together and caption it, "Me and my Valentine!" or to write a little something sweet to your partner on his/her "facebook wall".  However, today people are out of control, posting pictures of the gifts that their lover bought them or gushing every detail about their romantic night. Come on people, there is nothing less romantic than that. I've seen people post, "I have the best Valentine ever! ______ got me _____, _______,_______ and ______!"  The most shocking is that I've even seen close up pictures of cards that girls have put online so we can all read what their boyfriend/husband wrote to them. I've also seen photos of the bedroom. Girls have taken photos of their bedroom that their partner has beautifully decorated with roses, chocolates, candles, and oils and shared them with everybody online. Please tell me how this is romantic. I would really like to know.

What happened to taking pictures of things like that for your scrapbook or to keep the memory of that moment for yourselves? Why do we now feel like these things should be shared with everybody online? If your man (or woman) wanted the world to read what they wrote in their card or to get a detailed report of everything they did for you yesterday...they would have put it online themselves. I know that a lot of people are going to get offended by this, seeing as a lot of people have posted things like this today, but it's honestly just something I can't stand seeing and I think it's a lot more damaging than people think it is. I don't want anybody to feel embarrassed or wrong for (over)sharing their relationships, I just want people to question why they're doing it. Why are you making sweet Valentine's Day gifts for your partner? Are you doing it because you love them and you want to show them that, or are you doing it because it would make a cute faceook photo? Are you doing it so you can get credit from others? Are you photographing these moments so you can keep those memories vivid forever, or are you photographing them so you can share it on facebook? And most importantly, if you are choosing to share these on facebook...as yourself why. Are you trying to prove that you and your partner are happy together? If so, who are you trying to prove it to and why? Nobody needs this proof besides the two of you. Are you trying to make others jealous? Why? Those things aren't what Valentine's Day is about, those things aren't what being in a relationship is about.

I had a fantastic Valentine's Day and I did what I consider to be the proper thing to do, kept it private. However, the proper thing is slowly drifting away from also being the "normal" thing. Now it's considered normal to post close-ups of the card your partner wrote for you, post pictures of every gift they buy you throughout the year, post screen shots of the sweet texts they send you, post pictures of them doing sweet things from you...literally every detail of your relationship. And we're always wondering why relationships don't seem to last anymore. It's because there is no privacy, no intimacy, no genuine romance, nothing. If you're in a relationship these days, it better be loud and proud on social media or things must just not be going well.

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"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."

Each time I go on a hike with friends rather than alone, it completely changes the experience. The fist hike I went on with two of my very best friends, Nathan and Adam, changed my life more than any other hike before. In fact, maybe more than any previous experience. 

Oyster Dome is a hike up to part of an exposed cliff on Blanchard Mountain, and the view at 2,025 feet is jaw dropping. I've hiked to this particular lookout several times, but in October of 2013 I hiked it during the fall for the first time. Everything was wet but I didn't think anything of it because it seems like it's always wet in this part of the state so I'm used to it. However, when walking beside the edge of the cliff down to ask these girls if they would take a picture of Nathan, Adam and I, I slipped and fell. I slid about ten feet before the friction of my flattened body and digging my finger tips into the rock stopped me, a hand's width from the edge of the cliff. By the time I had gathered my thoughts and realized that I wasn't falling, I heard the items I had been holding in my hands hit the ground over 2,000 feet below. For a second I just sat there in shock. Nathan and Adam were both panicking and if I remember correctly, the two girls simply said, "Holy shit." It was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. I thought I was imagining how close it was, but Nathan had said that in his mind, he saw me go over the edge.

Up until that day, I didn't value my life. I was not only careless, but the thought of my own death didn't affect me at all. I've read many people's descriptions of moments when "their lives flashed before their eyes" during a near-death experience and each story was unique and different...though I never believed any of them to be true. My life didn't exactly flash before my eyes, but all of a sudden my mind was flooded with memories of my younger sister and I. These memories came in the form of pictures of her and I from our childhood and just vivid memories of moments we've shared. After a few moments, I composed myself and walked up to the girls and had them take the picture of the three of us like I had wanted, and we hiked back down the mountain.

I hugged the two of them like I had never hugged them before and had a little breakdown in my car on my way home. I called both of my parents and both of my siblings, as well as a few other people, and told them how much they meant to me. That day I realized that our lives aren't simply for ourselves.We are bound to and intertwined with so many other people. I realized that I didn't value my life before because I felt like I was alive simply for the sake of living, if that makes any sense. Now, I feel like I'm alive for the sake of loving. I realized that I do care that I'm alive. I care because the thought of not being with my loved ones kills me inside. Part of me says, "Well, if you were dead you wouldn't miss them...clearly" but part of me still acknowledges that I would much rather be with them and enjoy the beautiful gifts that come with life. I have yet to hike Oyster Dome again, but I plan to as soon as the weather clears up a little bit. Maybe this time I'll have a little more respect for the mountain and for my life.


                

              

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Life's Short. Live Passionately.

This morning I woke up and skimmed through my facebook newsfeed. There were the usual weather complaints, depressing news stories, and funny photos, but among all of those things...I'm glad that a passionate, emotional, and positive post about life caught my eye. A woman I met last year was sharing her experience of losing her youngest brother two years ago. She started off by saying that she has felt all the anger and pain that you would expect somebody to feel after losing such an important person in their life, but then quickly went on to write about how the experience has been "an awakening" one for her.

This woman gained a whole new perspective from the loss of her brother and made something positive out of one of the most heart breaking things we could ever experience in life. Now she's trying to share what she's learned with others. She pointed out things that we're all "aware" of, but tend to turn a blind eye to because we'd rather pretend that we're invincible. She said that we aren't promised tomorrow, or even tonight, and therefore the right moment and time to say your apologies, your "I love yous", "I adore yous", and to give forgiveness and hugs is right now. She wrote about how she now loves as fully and passionately as she can, and about she finds joy in all places and always chooses to be joyous. There are times when joy finds you, when something happens that makes you feel happy. However, often times we have to create this joy ourselves, we have to choose to be happy. The last thing she said was to not only be kind, but to be so kind to others that you forget how to be any other way and to extend compassion towards all people.

Often times my attitude towards the day is heavily influenced by what I wake up to. If I wake up frantic because I slept through my alarm, I tend to be at a higher level of stress during the day. If I wake up and the first thing I do is watch heartbreaking stories on the news all morning, I tend to be more depressed. And then there are mornings like today, when I wake up and see something that inspires me or provokes thought. And days like today I tend to be more appreciative and more positive. Living passionately has been something that I've always strived to do. When I love somebody, be it a friend, family member, or romantically, I tell them and show them that I love them every chance that I get. I express my love for the people I hold dear in every way that I know how to because when I die, or when they die, I want them to not be able to question my love for them. When I support a cause, or am against a cause, I make a stand and I make it loud. We only have one life and one voice and I refuse to let either go to waste.

One aspect of my messed up brain that adds a lot of unnecessary stress to my life is that I am always paranoid about the future.I don't think there's a day that goes by where I don't dread the loss of a current relationship, my dog, my parents, etc. I am constantly coming up with traumatic events in my head and trying to figure out how I'm going to cope with them. Morbid? Very. Everyday I work towards overcoming my habit of living halfway in the future. There is a positive side to it though...the passion it brings to the present. Part of the driving force behind why I'm so passionate about life and love is simply the fear of losing it all.

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Take a Hike

One of my greatest passions is the outdoors. Ever since I was a kid, being outside is where I've felt most at home. I grew up on a dairy farm in Custer, Washington where I spent most of my time building forts out of hay bales in the barn, playing with our animals, shooting BB guns with my siblings, or exploring in the trees out in the field. As an adult, I'm pretty much exactly the same.

Two things I enjoy are going on hikes and photography. And lucky me, I live in the perfect area for both of those activities. My house is less than ten minutes from the ocean, twenty minutes away from some of the most beautiful hiking trails, forty-five minutes from snow-covered Mt. Baker, and two hours from Seattle. I'm not a professional photographer, heck, I don't even own a legitimate camera...yet. I just love exploring my state and taking pictures with my iPhone.



Hiking is one of those things that just has countless benefits and I wish more people would take advantage of that, especially people who live in an area where the opportunity is right in their back yard. The endless health benefits alone should get people interested! Hiking lowers your risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke, improves fitness, improves the health of your heart and lungs, lowers your risk of high cholesterol and various types of cancers, reduces depression and risk of early death, helps with weight loss improves your quality of sleep...the list goes on. Hiking is cheap! All you really need is some suitable clothing which you likely already own, a good pair of hiking boots (or even just decent shoes, depending on the hike), and at most, a day pass to hike the area. However, the most important reasons aren't because it's affordable or because it's healthy because honestly, there are other things that are cheap and good for your health.

There are other things that hiking can offer you that most activities can't. Each time I go on a hike I experience a unique perspective. When you're at the summit or at a lookout, you see things from a perspective that you likely haven't before. Sometimes you can see places you've been that you've never seen from above, buildings that seemed huge now seem miniscule. But most importantly, being at the top always makes me realize how tiny I am. It makes me realize how beautiful and vast the world is, and how I'm but a tiny speck. Another benefit is that it simply builds your confidence. If you set out to reach the summit of a particular hike and you get to the top, it's one of the most rewarding feelings. You accomplished what you set out to do and you get  to drop your pack, take a seat, and soak in an incredible view in the company of your friends, or what's even better sometimes, soak it in by yourself.

I've been hiking since I was a little girl but I just recently started taking pictures of my hikes in September of 2013. The first hike I ever decided to photograph was the hike featured in these photos, the Excelsior Peak hike on September 18th...which ended up being one of the more difficult hikes I've ever been on. We started our hike from North Fork Nooksack Valley instead of Damfino Lakes Trail and because of that decision, our hike had an elevation gain of 4,000 vertical feet instead of the Damfino option of 1,500 feet. It was an extremely tough hike but well worth it when we got to the top and the forest opened up into beautiful meadows. I wish it would have been a clearer day, but it was still stunning.

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Don't Be a Pussy

In my previous post, I very briefly scraped the surface of society's pressure on women when it comes to the way we look. Just that brief thought about the 

pressures on women reminded me of another video I saw recently that touched on the pressures that society has on men. This is such an important video for people to see. A lot of focus is put on the negative impact that society has on how young girls and women view themselves, which is good, HOWEVER we tend to forget what society is doing to young boys and men. Men are often blamed for how they impact women, but we can't turn a blind eye to the other side of the story.

If you are a man, think about the countless number of times in your life that you have been told, or have told another man, "Don't be a pussy", "Man up", "Grow some balls", "Be a man", "Real men ______", etc. I'm sure you can't even begin to count the number of times because you have literally been fed these ridiculous statements since you could walk. And if you are a woman, also think about all the times you have heard these statements or said them to a man. Think about all the times you've talked to your girlfriends about mistakes your partner has made and have said things like, "Real men would do this or that", or "Real men DON'T do this", or "He needs to man up".

From the time boys are probably three years old 'til the day they die, they are constantly having society or the people around them define what a "man" is. A man has to be the money maker, a man has to get into fights and use violence to get respect, a man has to fight in wars to validate his manhood, a man has to sleep around, a man has to disrespect women to "put them in their place", a man has to know how to work on cars and like sports...the list is endless.

Take a few minutes out of your day to watch this and to think about ways we can bring awareness to men's side of the story and to help them as well. If you have a son, don't tell him to "Man up" when he's sad, don't tell him that "Men don't cry". If you're a guy and you're hanging out with your friends and one of them is emotional about something or doesn't want to do something, don't call him a "pussy" or tell him to "Grow some balls". If you're a woman who is in a relationship don't EVER question your boyfriend or husband's "manhood", don't make him feel like he has to meet certain standards or do certain things to "be a man". That is, unless you want him to define what makes a damn woman. I found this pretty eye-opening and maybe you will too.

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The Selfie Generation

I saw this video a few weeks ago and it got me thinking about selfies in a whole new light. For me, selfies have never even been something to really think about. Such a simple concept that really doesn't mean anything. However, this really opened my eyes and I think every middle and high school should do something like this for their student body. Instead of criticizing people for taking "selfies", we should realize that they shared that photo for a reason. Maybe at that moment they felt beautiful, or they were just having fun. Why should we tease people for this or try to make them feel "stupid" for it? Why don't we celebrate the fact that they felt confident instead? Or appreciate the fact like the felt like sharing a particular moment with us? For whatever reason, this video sparked like a week long debate in my head, about whether selfies are a positive thing, or a negative thing. 

"Selfies". We've all seen them and everybody has their opinion about them. If  you've actually never heard of a selfie, you better get on board because the word has officially been added to the Oxford English Dictionary and defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website". For whatever reason, society has taken something as small as self-taken photos and turned the topic into quite the controversy. 

On one side, we have the people who take and appreciate selfies. I think it's safe to say that the majority of people I know take photos of themselves from time to time. Young and old, men and women, people of all races, social circles, and backgrounds. Those who don't take selfies often ask, "Why? What's the point?" So I've brainstormed a few reasons why people enjoy taking selfies...

1. Most of us are not photographed regularly, if ever. So if we don't take these pictures of ourselves on the days we're feeling cute, having fun being goofing off with friends, or just out exploring...then these moments will never be documented. Some people prefer it that way. However, I know for a fact that if I wasn't constantly taking photos of my friends and I out having fun, that the collection of captured moments that I cherish would literally not exist. Which is heart breaking to me! 

2. Odds are, you've never looked better in a photo before! Some people just aren't photogenic and taking a selfie gives these people a chance to be in control of everything! They can control the lighting, the angle, the editing, and they can take as many photos as they want until they get the "perfect" one. While I don't promote editing yourself to "perfection" or trying to hide your flaws for a photo, I do promote feeling beautiful and feeling confident. If taking the "perfect" selfie makes somebody feel confident then I'm all for it. *Note: In the above video you can see how the woman had the female students capture their flaws in their selfies and while some were extremely hesitant, they were all blown away by the positive feedback and it really boosted their confidence.

3. The "sharing". In a nutshell, a lot of people (especially young girls) take selfies because they crave that positive feedback from their peers on social media, they need it in order to feel pretty. It's clear that people are more apt to pay another person a nice compliment on their new facebook photo than they are to walk up to them at school and say, "You're so gorgeous!" So just like the people who don't get photographed often, maybe some people take selfies because they don't get complimented otherwise. They don't have people who come up to them and compliment them. However, each time they post a selfie, they get a plethora of "likes" and comments and in turn, their confidence gets boosted and they start focusing on their beauty instead of their flaws, if even for just a moment. 

Those are just a few of the reasons that I came up with on why people would take selfies and I kind of expanded off of those reasons to explain the "pros" of selfies. Sorry if I'm a bit repetitive, trying to stay awake on my "Monday". So I guess now I have to think about the "cons". For every person who enjoys posting a harmless selfie, there are at least two who are constantly complaining about this "new" trend. Here are some of the reasons people have given me on why they don't like selfies, and my two cents...

1. Vanity. Almost everybody who is against this trend claims that people who take selfies are vain. Which lead me to a little experiment. I have been on facebook for over 6 years and just now decided to look over my 68 (phew that's a lot!) profile pictures that I've had over the years. A whopping 16 are photos that I took myself that are of me and at least one other person (friends, boyfriend, parent, etc), and 4 are solid, textbook "selfies" of just myself. I don't consider myself a vain person at all, so this lead me to dig a little deeper on facebook and look through photos that other people post. Overall, women are the ones who I've found to dominate the selfie world. And I don't think this is because women are more vain, I don't think that's the reason at all. I think it's because *drum roll please because we've all heard it before* the pressure that society has put on women. I'm not saying that society hasn't put pressure on men, because we definitely have. I'm just saying that the pressure on women has been largely on our appearance so often women feel like they have something to prove. That being said, we need to differentiate vanity and confidence. When I upload a picture of myself, no matter who took it, it's because I feel put together and I feel like I look halfway decent for once. I'm not posting the selfie because I'm like, "Damn I'm fine", it's because I feel good about myself. Whether that's a result of a new hair cut or color, new outfit, etc. Feeling good about oneself and being vain are two very different things. Also, women are just more likely to say, "Oooh picture time!" or "Let's take a picture!" while hanging out with their friends. This is nothing new my friends, women have been doing this long before 2013. We just tend to be more sentimental.

2. Sexual objectification of women. Now this is something I can understand. I am very against the exploitation of women, whether it's done through the adult film industry, Playboy, or by women themselves. However, a selfie doesn't automatically mean that the person who took it is naked or acting in a seductive manner and exploiting themselves. The people who are taking risky photos of themselves and sharing them are on a whole different level, and honestly, giving the innocent selfie a bad name! But that's for a whole different conversation.

In my opinion, it's all about why and what. Why are you taking and sharing photos of yourself and what are you hoping to gain (if anything)? With that in mind, I think we all need to keep some things in mind while sharing anything on social media, especially photos. Before you share photos of yourself, ask yourself if this is something you want literally the entire world to have access to and be able to see. You might think, "Well my facebook is private, only my friends can see". Noooo, that's not how it works. All it takes is for one of your friends to share that picture as well, or to copy and paste it and send it out. Once you put something online, anybody can see it. And for all you know, it could be out there forever. Then, ask yourself if what you're posting could hurt somebody or offend someone. I'm not the type of person to baby everybody. You can't live life letting everybody else's feelings control what you do or by only doing things to please others, but that doesn't mean you can't be considerate and at least try to avoid hurting others. Keep things that could be offensive private or within' a small group of friends that you know won't be hurt or made uncomfortable. Take it from me, nothing is worth posting that will genuinely hurt somebody. The last thing I always ask myself is the why. Am I posting this because I'm proud of it? Because I hope to inspire others? If yes, then post away. Like I mentioned above, there's nothing wrong with posting photos of yourself to gain confidence through compliments. However, this shouldn't be the driving force for why you post photos. You should post things because they already make you feel good, not in hopes that other people will make you feel that way. Your opinion of yourself is truly the only one that matters. So as long as you're being responsible and considerate with the things you share online, be it a post or a selfie, upload away! Here, enjoy this shameless selfie of my sister and I enjoying Taco Bell. A simple, fun, silly moment that I  enjoyed with her that I probably would have forgotten by now if it wasn't for us deciding to take a picture. 

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