Monday, March 17, 2014

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it

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The world would be a lot happier of a place if people would stop peeking over the fence, trying to see if the grass is greener on the other side. I think this is a big issue, especially when it comes to relationships. Once a couple has been together for a certain amount of time, the butterflies tend to go away and the "excitement" starts to fade. Once this happens,  people start seeking out those feelings again without realizing that they're entering a never-ending circle. Yes they may find those butterflies and first time rushes again, but what's going to happen a few months or years down the road? Those feelings are going to fade just like they did before and they're going to find themselves in the same boat again, wanting to chase that initial excitement with somebody new.

Instead of seeking these feelings of "new love", people should acknowledge what's going on and focus on nurturing their existing relationship. Paying more attention to signals their partner may be giving them, figuring out their own wants and needs as well as their partner's, and figuring out how to bring some excitement back to their relationship.  Instead of thinking, "Well there are funnier people out there, more successful people, better looking people, more intelligent people. etc" or yearning for the thrill of the chase, we all need to realize that's not what lasting love is about (if that's what you're seeking). Loving somebody is about committing to a journey through life with another person, supporting them, and caring for them regardless of those things. Outer beauty is fleeting, success can be temporary as well as the butterflies and excitement. We need to take a step back, look at ourselves and realize that we also aren't the smartest, funniest, best looking, or most successful person in the world...but our partner still chose us and continues to choose us each day that they're in a relationship with us.

I had a good conversation with my boyfriend the other day about my thoughts on social media and technology having a huge, and very negative, impact on relationships. First, social media websites like twitter and facebook allow people to have a very open window to the lives of others. You can log on, go to a person's page and look through literally hundreds of pictures of them, years worth of posts they've made and conversations they've had with others, relationship updates, jobs they've had, their accomplishments, etc. And then you can click on the pages of their friends, and continue the online "stalking". Once you've kept tabs on the lives of others so long through these websites, you start to feel like you know them. I've heard of countless people developing "crushes" on people they've never met, or ever even seen in person. I think this kind of behavior and these habits are damaging and unhealthy enough for single people to partake in, but even more so for those who are in relationships. If you're in a relationship and spending countless hours looking through photos and social media profiles of other men or women who aren't your significant other then you probably should step back and think about how damaging this is. First ask yourself why you're doing it. Is it genuinely just a friend you haven't spoken to in a while and you want to see what they're up to, or is it something different? If so, put an end to the behavior, and focus that attention on your partner and finding a solution to whatever drove you to start behaving that way. Another thing that happens is people spend far too much time looking at the relationships of others on social media. I've heard so many people compare their relationships to those of other people by what they see online, and I'm guilty of this too. "I'm so jealous, her man does _____ for her" or "My relationship is so much better than _______. I can just tell". When in reality, we have no idea what the relationships of others are like by looking online. We only see what others want us to see, what they put out there for the public eye.

As far as texting goes, I think that's another aspect of modern technology that can quickly become dangerous. Nearly everybody has a smart phone these days and it's gotten to the point where your phone can be like a whole little secret world for people where they have an alternate life. Every person I know, without exception, who has cheated or been cheated on has done a large amount of it on their cellphone, whether it's texting, sending pictures, shady hook-up apps, etc. It's so easy for people to engage in this kind of cyber-cheating and not get caught. Social media and technology can be such great things, but they can also ruin relationships if we're not careful with how we use them.

Privacy is a huge part of making relationships lasts. Creating privacy for yourself and your partner and also respecting the privacy of others.

2 comments:

  1. Tuesday You are an amazing writer. Just remember your beautiful! Love you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh gosh I'm not as good as you are love! Thank you so much though, I love you tons!

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